Category: Journal

Round

I don’t know how the world ends, But I think this is how it begins As I walk outside, and whisper to the squirrels rustling beneath the deck: “It’s okay, I’m a friend.” And I know they feel me because I feel them Things have changed Welcome to the movie of our lives Suddenly, I…

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Ladybug

I’m a bloodless sport, But I’ve bled plenty, Concussions, I’ve had many: From rugby to punches, A broken childhood to liquid lunches… I know the songs of the vulnerable, The losses of the excluded, The longings, the implosions of the lonely, Am not some bourgeois, cheap thing; My metal has been tested AF; Tall as…

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Paraselene: 22° Halo

Orion’s bow points due North, And a 22° halo adorns the moon My nostos continues, but the war is over The truth is through with me now that I have relented to it, Granted pain, shame, suffering a seat at my lonely table, Having been disturbed by these ghosts so long, For few things can…

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Adam and Noelle

smoking bowls in the back of adam’s jeep i wanted his hair, his confidence; i wanted noelle, who was in the front seat: that fair, short bleached-blond hair, lip glossed, pop-punk princess, my 2001 teen dream, yeah, that crush was a one way street… but i can still smell her body spray, cotton candy, i…

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Wellbutrin

It’s hard to return to form, After my last poem felt like pissing myself in public – the evidence of my pettiness: vulgar – No Diogenes am I But what am I to do, erase it, like some photo, imperfect – nah, Rather honor depression, though it hath left such deep lesions, And in them,…

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Still Cry

A quick one for Sarah; I’m’a burn one, write one, take one more trip around the sun: For Her whom I wouldn’t be Me without – And maybe my name is blood on her tongue and tastes of iron, sweat, hemoglobin and metalloproteins; Heaven knows our toil, I, of the sea // her, of the…

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Beneath Dirt

I got nostalgic the other day, Wished we were going to Jah Healing, Stater’s, and back to the cabin, But it was never that great in real life – We were too depressed, too out of love, too unimpressed with each other – The dogs deserved better than that, And I hope they have it;…

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at a time

the hurt grows heavier with time; all of this – without the friend(ssss) and family, to whom Lawrence is no longer alive – but this is just a sidebar, an aside: for I have my inner-child to provide for – to harbor – and we’re hardlly there, libidinal unclear, shellshocked, in repair, collide; what a…

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Damnit Lenise

the sadness deep: pain; poetry’s the only place the awake speak plain – maya, illusion, plato’s cave, we’re the shadow puppets they watch, on whose downfall sus glances pray from those who long fearing our rise, made sure we were imvisible to naked eyes, in poverty, blind, at the center of some labrynth

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Some Ketchup

The first night you can’t sleep. You never sleep the first night. It’s not the discomfort but the excitement. The liberation. As a yoga teacher told me, “Happiness comes from liberation, and liberation comes from freedom, and freedom comes from courage.” So brave. So fucking brave. What won’t I do. So here I am, shirtless…

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I Remain

I wanna go back, To the infinite, unending loneliness of the mountains: To the boy I motherfucking love (more than all this world) who was so goddamn heroic on his own Listening to ‘Lose My Mind‘ for days, With my Self and the sadness of months alone: Yes – I am there now, I remain…

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pastel-pink

It’s the little things, The girl who saw me walking behind her and held the girl’s room door open for me – though I just came out of the men’s… I suppose I want women to feel safe – A spell of jiu-jitsu classes and the pepper spray on my purse is my surety, But…

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my best

been doing it, my best no crutches, real sobriety; feelings, and a vulnerability that leaves me more aware than afraid bc I heard the truest words last night, when the checker at the grocery told me: “be careful out there”, and I knew just what he meant; the vulnerability is palpable, as real as the…

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somebody / fated / nulled

I wish I was somebody, but I’m not; Not that I’m nobody, but I’m not enough to matter to her; ‘It wouldn’t change anything’, she would say, But it would: I know it – And why, why do I miss the bitch who disowned me so much… I guess you would have to have been…

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Postscript Re: Sarah

I don’t mind saved drafts, they are vital to the writer’s journey to psychic wholeness; for the alchemy of maturity must be performed alone, in private; however, lately, I have been saving too many drafts in what I can only perceive as an attempt to avoid writing about what I have been meaning to write…

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Had a Dream About Her

The dream: I was waiting for her to return home from a night out – and so was in the bedroom, where I fell asleep to awake the next morning, alone, where I called her to ask why she never returned… but she told me she never went out… that she never left our home.…

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