I’m a Asshole, Yawn

May as well believe in unicorns if I can’t beleive in love… all my days of Daniella, Sarah, Shannon, up – years – eleven in total, twelve if you count LeighAnne, which I can, for she loved me too, just, all those days through,
It’s like, what could be called love now;
I’ve been lucky in love already, and now, proven it was luck, I’m fucked up, telling a piece of shit I love her, what the fuck:
Got this bitch head fucked up – catfished me tonight with another account, wanting to know my “birth name” either a stalker or a psycho bully / both! I’ve never dealt with a sociopath before – but seriously, it sucks to be writing this woe, I just, I thought queer love was a safe space, but I’m a cunt, tried to love a dumb cunt –
But since it takes one to know one, I aint see trouble coming when I was cumming, namean –
Not gonna front, I don’t usually forgo a condom, but she told me she had a IUD and before I did said “come inside me” – no cap
Anyway, I’ve already ran over this shit, but she got her friend catfishing me, on some, pretending to be interested shit, told the bitch, ‘so we fuckin or nah’ to some wannabe deep shit she said, bc I knew she was playing some game with my head, but its like, do you really think, like, I have some fucking hidden identity, its gotta just be bullying me, bc, like, I don’t know what her rage is from, besides being a fat dyke with a shaved head… I thought she was a legit queer bay bae, I was tryna make this bitch my bb,
Was even excited to tell her I was maybe moving up her way, bc we had been texting friendly after, like we fucked twice, I nutted on her the second time, splat, then she told me i “dinnt have to leave” and could stay, like, invited me to stay over, and we cuddled and I fell right asleep, after she told me stories, like, about her family stuff, and some trauma shit, while we cuddled, then we went lights out, and I was on an early schedule, so I fell right asleep, she was kind in the morning, walked me to the door, gave me a kiss goodbye – she had initiated all the kissing, etc… im not a make a first move kind of person, ask any gir, I need more than consent, I need their desire, and it was there dead af, anywho, everything was just like a basic straightforward adult hookup, lovers status for a night – and longer, or so I had dumbly hoped… my dumb ass
But yeah, we texted a bit friendily, after, and then, after not hearing from me bc I was evacuated for wildfires still and was living in a hotel, just, trying to survive my autism in a foreign environment full of light and noise… anyway, I get these texts saying, “I’m sad about our thing”, I inquire as to why, and she said what I already said ‘because she felt ‘forced into telling me to cum inside her’ bc I said I loved her in the moment – anyway I felt blindsided, the word forced felt forced, fucking, nothing wss forced, anyway but, I reacted like an asshole, bc I am sometimes, and I felt she was playing the “felt forced” angle against me, as like, a power trip, and I was pissed, but she re stated her consent in the text, but she said because of how I was reacting “obviously this happens a lot to you”, which ticked me the fuck off:
COULDNT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH – fucking obviously, anyone who knows me – I may say bitch and cunt every other word, but this cunt’s a goddamn feminist… and that person had my sincere apologies for any upset my saying “I love you” in the moment caused her, any fucking way, that was her whole grevience against me, and I was really upset by it, the mere idea of someone not feeling safe with me is very foreign to me, and uncomfortable to even imagine, I dont know if thats what it was like, maybe she felt emotionally manipulated, idk, I cant psychoanalyze this person, I can just state the facts, and be pissed off that I am now being harrassed… like what the fuck… she’s digging into my background, like, please bitch, you’re on some weird crusade against me on some bullying shit from someone who faced a lot of it, surelt…
I hate to see those girls become the mean ones…. like, how u got a clit boner so big u using he friends account to catfish me, to get personal information from me, and then revealing it’s her after an hour of catfishing me… she said “I cant take this anymore” and signed off with two xxs…
So now I gotta make my account private, because, I’ve been catfished and it left a really bad taste in my mouth, like, I had already blocked her after she said the “this obvi happens a lot to you” bs, but just, she is using someone else’s account, watching my story and sends me a DM asking my birth name, yeah, its. JEFFREY fucking EPSTEIN, caught me… anyway, this person, I mean this – bitch – has some sort of I don’t know, entanglement with her trauma, it was a fucking innocent night of meh mutually participatory sex… she gave me oral… but you know, I was there for an emotional connection too, but just, I didnt look before she leapt on my cock, and now I got this fucking nightmare, and like, its like a bad movie, cathy bates, misery, and anyway, this person has just some real toxic energy… more toxic than me calling her a bitch, or misgendering them, if I am:
Pronouns can be tricky, gender is tricky… I feel like I’m kind of wearing this albatross of male shame they are hanging around my neck… its like, yeah, go smash the patriatchy, quit e-bullying me – this shit aint have your stupid name on it, Im all too happy to share all this, easy to clear up: im not a villain, I’m just a fucking asshole a bitch a cunt, whatever you will… I’m a veteran and I curse like a sailor… im a poly-romantic transfemme, I just, fucking, I never want to have to deal with this again, but I think I’m the highpoint of her life so she wants it on her tombstone that I did her… only, she wants pity for it… i dont fucking know;
It’s funny, I listen to this Future album, and, in one of the songs, theres a line that I never vibed with… not until this shit went down, anyway, the line is, “I don’t care if I never seen your face again you crazy bitch” and yeah, like, thats my whole brand now… but hey, at least I come out and risk my own career, bc im not afraid of people thinking im an asshole… thats clear, I can be a real cunt, am, but this cunt, me, cares about people, believes in them… used to….
For real consequence of all this for me has been a loss in my self trust, like, i cant even judge a spafe space for me, a person,
And its made me feel like, sex isnt a safe space anymore, and certainly never again with someone whom I don’t know… I knew they were Queer, neurodivergent, an educator, and I felt like, this is a safe person to love, to be w, to care for –
Anyway, they were not, its proven very upsetting… and like, ive already written about this shit, i thought laying the truth bare before would close the matter… but that person’s now scheming and catfishing me from their friends account, like, you unethical bitch… i dont owe you guilt, I’m just a stupid naive loving asshole –
And apparently am being cyber stalked by this person now, with different accounts… anyway, i’m fucking glad to be taking in this lesson. Its exposed my own vulnerability and alowed me to understand the importance of getting to know a persons character before you trust them with your body or your heart, and lastly, this has awakened me to the reality of my blind love for others as teribly naive…. and you know, a pitfall of mine… i love everyone
But ima asshole, thats cool though, I aint afraid or ashamed to be anything I am… and I wont let this person bother me bc now I gotta make my account private to avoid them stalking me with another IG account… anyway, this is my last testimony to what a genuinely caring and loving asshole I am… yawn

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