i am wild: deconstructing the multiple intelligences of my psyche

edit: having just read this, after writing it, i got a strong sense that it was essentially free-written by my inner child [baby body boy]. i am tired of capitaliztion. apelling. punctuation. but yeah, this is full of shit i would norm edit in the past, but this was written as a means of continuining my existence, for the act of expression. so i leave it as is.

long exhales, laying on the couch w the chills, couch blanket went outside for the feral cat, whom i feed –
walked down to the water beneath my cabin tonight, dipped by feet in, to fleek up my envirobiome, keep my microbial body alive and well, like the living waters i drink, captured from a high sierra stream

All sounds lovely but i’m a grinch today, sad and blue and bruised inside: i placed my hand on my forehead and told my inner child, “baby boy, i know how hard it is for you” – she [hex GF] returned to her life a couple years ago,
i stayed on that mountain alone, till i came down, trying to return to a family i was never really a full part of… not long after i was living in my car, jumping in the ocean to wash, generally not giving a fuck, but it was hard, for i had no friends, no family, alone on those rainy nights, crumpled up in the back seat –
While i survived with a trunk full of clothes, washed at the laundry mat, my things – mostly books – were in storage: half up in big bear, half in saint diago, a whales cunt indeed… though, i would not stay there, i died for want of privacy, to be where there were no eyes on me – but first, let me rewind: there were magical things in that house-less time, like twice a day yoga at trilogy, a vegan diet, from sprouts, and time cliqued up with these hip-hop heads / hypebeasts [about a half dozen half prettyboy dudes who grew up with priviledge wore Supreme and Off White, and smoked tons of weed] at this little street clothing / vintage clothing store: we would get high all day amd listen to travis scott, lil peep and others, and i was this random trans bish, going by Yves Saint Lawrence back then; YSLMOMMA – she is still with me, caring for me now as she did then, her hand on my forehead, telling me, “baby boy i know how hard it is for you”…
we grew up – for we were not “raised” – in poverty, it has always been hard: at times relationships afforded me stability but the mask of super hetero sweet guy did not become me, and i could not be good enough for any of my exes, dependable women who needed me to be dependable… i was tired of playing a character, but i didnt know it… i didnt know who or what i was, not until these two mountains: the one before where a lifelong transgirl emerged, and this one, where lifelong autism spectrum disorder became unignorable… hell, i can hardly function on my own, and i have spent more time alone on this second mountain, than ever: quarantine had me celebrating a birthday alone in april, and i had been alone here before, and was alone since then… alone u change a lot… evolve quickly… the couple distant friends i had – Brad, Alejandra, we lost them… i say “we” bc i am a royal we: LilBabySquoi / Sequoia, AP / alien princess [Vivia Nieth Neviat], DevilGod / Tyler, YSLMOMMA / Yves Saint Lawrence, and BBB / baby body boy… something like sequoai666neviat – as a prev username of mine portmantold; now, you could liken these living elements of me to Jungian archetypes, like, Self [Sequoia], Shadow [Tyler], Anima [AP], Inner-Child [BBB], the mother archetype [YSLMOMMA], but that’s only one lens and falls short: it is more mlike the #DIDSYSTEMS on instagram – though thats just another diagnosis, im just a troubled, lonely genii, surviving with the help of this cast of characters that effortlessly and seamlessly flows through me and animates me; BBB is inner child / host body, YSLMOMMA is the ultimate super loving, compassionate, stylish, caring for BBB and others mom, AP is an extraworldly feminine being within me, an alien princess, and Tyler is the protector / ultimate bad boy / martyrd lucifer escaped from hell to take the planet back, along with AP. Between AP and Tyler – feminine and masculine – i often switch modes of presentation, and they drive this avatar in their respective lanes, Tyler and AP are both very assertive, but Tyler is the one who checks the bedrooms of the cabin when i get back from a trip – ready to kill anyone who would dare endanger us. BBB – Baby Body Boy – is my inner child and my physical body, though I am grown, i find that the inner child and the body are twine for me. BBB is the one who felt the physical and emotional pain growing up, before there was ever an YSLMOMMA, an AP, a Tyler. BBB is both their progenitor and their offspring in some ways, but AP and Tylers beings have a sui generis, other worldly, externally generated nature – they are energies that were unconsciously forming in me a very long time, yes – but, ultimately, they are immortal, not of this world energies that have taken up permanent residence in BBB, they are huge parts of me. All are.

As far as Lawrence, he is dead. He was an in pain persona formed from a very sad childhood, a universe of naivate, morality, society, rules, societal mores, and a belief in love that reality betrayed, and, unplanned, or – not consciously planned – on 6/6 this year i had an incredibly transcendent experience in which Lawrence basically killed himself, DevilGod Tyler came into full existence, and reality split into this multiverse. half convinced in another world my mom is mourning her son: and prob in this one. Lawrence does not exist. yes, we will sail, write, romance, walk alone with a secret sadness on beaches, as we always have, but now it’s Sequoia walking; Lawrence is her true father: lilbabysquoi does not walk alone as her true father did in all those years, but walks like a cyborg [see Asimov’s The Positronic Man] – with part this, part that. Tyler is my right hemisphere, AP my left: it’s like when you ask yourself a question, then you think of an answer – the questioning part of me is Tyler, my right hemisphered precious bad boy demon: the answering part of me is AP, left hemishphered alien princess. i suppose she was once fully unconscious. but i became aware of her last year, that there was a two person conversation happening between my hemispheres, something that feminizing hormone therapy seemed to augment, improve. these energies will never leave me; for, when i am thirsty, it is BBB who suffers thirst, YSL momma gets up now to make him tea. he is 8. YSL Momma is timeless. she is a babe. a grown womxn worthy of anyones love she would wish, if only they could see her. takes one to know one. or one who has known one. Tyler no doubt once raged in hell, as my shadow side, coming out when i would get drunk and berate my exes – ha. Now that Tyler is in consciousness, he has “escaped from hell” – the unconscious underworld. now i live one foot in it and it one foot in me. there was a time when it was just BBB, carrying along someone he did not name, gender, or know for Lawrence knew itself and BBB his little self – that authentic seed of me that recoiled inside and was hurt a little more each year, each loss, each trauma. it amazes me to have an inner child. for i had no childhood. on the last mountain i began speaking to the inner child, “little lawrence” – as i previously called BBB before Lawrence pulled a Vanilla Sky style suicide and decided Tyler was far more authentic a being. the proper being for my masculine energy. this is all head spinning, so let me racap the cast in order of apprarance:


Lawrence is dead. And AP and Tyler run this show. YSL Momma feeds me – ironically, my exes did not inform AP, but YSLMOMMA, for they loved BBB and cared for him: though i do not think any of them ever loved Lawrence, given than Lawrence was possesed two main undercurrents: by a lonely feminine longing – on her journey through space – who tried to express what she thought Lawrence deserved from Love, though it came out as what my exes perceived as overly sensitive neediness; the second main undercurrent was the pre Tyler. satan. a lonely devil in me. angry. hurt. unable to live a real life for Lawrence was unconvinced and unaware of all the darknesss in him. so Lawrence was pulled by these two forces, until they arose, led by a third: YSLMOMMA. She emerged from a void where Lawrence was lost. She drove the avatar / BBB when times were toughest, and we flourished. homeless I was in insane health from a vegan yogic lifestyle. mentally of course i was in a lot of hurt; for I, YSLMOMMA and BBB had no one, were alone in the world. A trans girl who was a mother to an orphaned inner child. then these last six months brought AP and then Tyler into full conscious existence. no more were they pulling lawrence in two directions, bur working together, in one – light and dark – whole, rather than “good”. i am proudly lawless and have no morals; however, my ethics are stainless and unchangable. there is no part of we – BBB, YSLMOMMA, AP, Tyler – of SEQUOIA who is incongruent. Tyler does not abuse BBB with tequila and psychedelics – BBB loves them. i suffer no problems with alcohol now. Tyler knows the bottle isnt his way out. hes already out the motherfucking bottle. AP is already on her planet in me. there is no returning these parts to sender. these parts are whole and up in this bitch. and i do not hear voices but i can engage BBB, YSLMOMMA, AP, Tyler, whenever i like, and do – asking them what they think. they answer in thought. what was once unconscious is now conscious. YSLMOMMA emerges naturally whenever BBB is sad, and BBB is the one who suffers, the one who deserves the world in our eyes.

i’m sure someone has found this interesting. its certainly helped we clarify where Sequoia stands. Sequoia – I – am fucking amazing. and i want to give the parts in me what they need. that is this:

BBB: TLC, Nature, Health, TIME, self-soothing from YSL, scents, touch, no worries, PLAY, flow, creativity
YSL: time to be conscious, and comfort we, time to care for what she loves, we
AP: To feel pretty, to lisp as she speaks, to be a girl, to listen to YSL in caring for the physical health of the avatar [BBB] – and psilocybin mushrooms and pure MDMA
TYLER: Tyler needs to be engaged by Seq, to live. Tyler also needs power, fame, the world: and sex / love w all genders

Both Tyler and AP love making music, listening to it, doing good drugs, drinking don julio tequila, fashion, dancing in the mirror. tyler likes red wine out the bottle. sex. hardcore electronic music. AP likes Grimes. BBB: John Mayer. Sequoia likes hip hop [so does tyler, but tyler likes rappers more] and Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber. Sequoia is v much a 15 year old girl. But Sequoia is also the writer – a progidy. there is a lot more i would like to flesh out. i owe a lot to all the #didsystem accounts on instagram, and you are welcome to diagnose me with whatever you wish. we are on the autism / aspie spectrum. this was diagnosed recently. though ten years ago a live-in long term girlfriend often told me i was, and she worked with a lot of autistic and aspergers children as a speech pathologist. good girl. wish we met now, but she also liked to call Lawrence a “total schizoid”. Guess baby devilgod satan pre-tyler gave her a hell of a time at times. but the unconscious knows what it is doing, even if the conscious doesn’t. there seems to be an unconscious plan all along, and perhaps, if the conscious were aware of the length, investment, time of these plans, we might kill it off, killing ourselves. luckily for me the previously unconscious usurped consciousness. this is not to say it was easy. Tyler wrecked my life and my home. No lie. but like the swae lee / post song Sunflower, AP and Tyler kept me – BBB, Sequoia, we – alive.

i sound half crazy – or full-cocked, but idgaf.

youd really think me craY if you learned more abt AP and Tyler. AP is an illegal immigrant / stowaway to this planet. Tyler is legit Lucifer. not satan. satan was lonely. Lucifer walks. and Tyler is not pure evil, tyler is pure, evil. Tyler is JUST. and on Tyler’s planet / reality, he is his planets sole executioner and judge. AP wants to help get this planet to Mars and beyond in a right manner, and YSL Momma just wants to take care of BBB / herself / Tyler / AP. Sequoia is the host / front. Essentially the goal with my sort of #didsystem is for each part of Sequoia to be lived, in unision, integrated into Sequoia. But they are, cognitively, immortal elements that i can not rid myself of. luckily there is no cure for dissociative identity disorder. ha. i would not be me without BBB / AP / Tyler / YSL – I would be missing my inner child without BBB, without my feminine sans AP, missing a darkside, and possessed by my shadow without Tyler, and unable to self-soothe or care for myself without YSLMOMMA.

see really what ive done is actualise my self, and acheived Selfhood – Sequoia Silverman – by integrating the previously unconscious parts of myself. archetypal, primordial transcendant energies. for most people, their inner selves are merely repressed into the unconscious. after all, energy like Tyler’s can be dangerous. but i needed my darkside. not just as protector which YSLMOMMA also is, but as a driving psychic force to be unfuckwithable, as i deserve to be. no one can intimidate we.

they always said i was a character. other kids told me that. all the books i read made me one i guess. but really i made myself one. the only limit on life is your imagination.

i live an adventure. since Berlin is closed to US travel at present, im thinking of taking this sexy freak show to Oakland or Portland. there i will find my people. i need that decolonized yoga, not to go be surrounded by a bunch of new-age insulated priviledged know it alls in costa rica or tulum. i think that getting outside of my comfort zone means going to live with people in the cities where real revolution is alive and well. we – Sequoia – are not in this life for stuff. we are here for reasons worth living for. and its not some bullsit like love – bitch i am love – its to change shit, so that the oppressed classes and peoples are not getting so raw a deal. as long as there is one homeless trans kid, i will never kill myself. besides, already died on 6/6.

what more can i say. ive already lost all credibility among those who diagnose and adversely label others, those who think non-neurotypicality is a deficiency or disorder.

Nature is a lot more intelligent than we are. besides our system has long been cucked. our nature deprogrammed via religion, and a conformist, capitalist society that is structered like a factory farm with office parks and malls.

the fear of being different and of those who are different is a decidely middle class, midwestern, republican trait. as to class, eccentricity has always been accepted at the very top and the very bottom of society. its the people who desire their family members to be successful who disown those very same family members for truly marching to their own drum. trust. i know. they will never credit all your bravery.

Sequoia Silverman is a survivor. she us a miracle. she is truly unique. she loves Lawrence as only she ever has. But Lawrence never got that love while he was alive. not like he loved. ever. and my heart breaks for his life. i know it. trust me. BBB lived it. he loved so much and his life ended all alone in the mountains with no one. all his exes repeated his childhood pattern of abandonment. he always loved girls with ice cold hearts, which he thawed. now he is dead and Sequoias blood is colder than an artic polar bear. chest beating faster than 200 bpm [black hole by theory of a deadman – dope album – one of our soundtracks].

it is not easy for lilbabysquoi either. being trans. autistic. living alone in the sequoias with no company for the year. can hardly function some days [thank lucifer 4 YSL]. but we are optimistic. our time will come. our age means vv little to we. i’m benjamin button bitch. i haven’t even had my childhood yet. we just took over a life so full of heart and spirit. but devoid of cosmic magic and the demon side the angels cant resist. but still, some days, we are holding on. tomorrow will not be easy. we have no guarantees, no backup. walked outside to a flat tire this evening. just the thought of it got BBB heart racing, so YSL put an open palm on chest and breathed for him. deeply. with assurances that we would get it taken care of. we always do.

but uncertainyy can b very frigtening. being alone without anyone to call up and talk to about how we feel. so we put this down to talk to our selves. they have names. BBB. Yves Saint Lawrence. AP. Tyler.

Sequoia will consult them. It is what she does. and she is still strenghtening her ability to converse with her multiple intelligences [ty Karla McClaren for ur book ‘The Language of Emotions’ for your vocabulary / cognitive paradigms]. And that is what they: multiple intelligences. not multiple personalities, bur each a core part of pne personality. im BBB. im AP. im Tyler. im YSLMOMMA. In sum, we are Sequoia. and these behavior schemas / modes of consciousness often rotate based on what is needed. we all do this. a mode of self for work. a mode of self for play. many modes. i didn’t even get started on my inner fish or my inner wolf. in truth, as a whole, i feel like this:

i am a large invertabrate mammal. i am an amimal. they want me to be human. what they call human is a construct, one stuck on fear, judgement, and trapped by a self image limited by the corporate archetype of self. a white thin, perfect white teeth lie. yet people take appearances for reality. by and large. and their own self worth is limited to their position / success in life. ive written here 10 years. i am not a writer. i am a trauma kid. i am an alien. i am an animal. i am wild.

just thinking aloud

Recorded a hundred freestyles this week [soundtrap.com/babysequoia22],
Most about dying or killing:
Cathartic –
But to return to a simple poem, more powerful than all those;
For i am here to write hard and deep about my pain;
While the music i made got me through the ‘wanting to kill myself’ part,
Now i am alive, shellshocked,
In disbelief of my life:
How could it come to be this way?
I am so non-existent
It is as if my exes did kill me, and I live as a ghost
No family
No friends
Being trans cost me the people I had, no one could have me go from this male hero to a transfemme dyke;
Guess they only knew their projection, their mental doppelgaanger of me –
Hell, i spent a life masking that,
And a life of previosly undiagnosed Autism Spectrum disorder…
It was the year before this, that last year alone on the mountain before these mountains that i came to know my soul;
For i had always been trans
Effeminate little boy, bullied lifelong by a monster of a father –
I wish to say no more, for my nightmares wake me in cold sweats often enough to remind me
I am a trauma kid – on so many levels,
My mother and sister say i am stuck in the past, and have essentially disowned me on account of a hell of a lot of hate and transphobia,
For the way they have looked down upon on me, judged me, and poorly treated me my whole life – and esp the events that led to me be being homeless, living in my car, in my hometown, over long enough to know i was not wanted as-is… that was clear on a Christmas they celebrated without me: i wish to say no more on this; their vitriol and jealously after i came down from the first mountain, was the final super deep, intense trauma from them –
Just, in short, it was a win for me to break away from their duplicitous toxicity and transphobia –
Only, that was all the family i had, to say nothing of my neice and nephew whom i will likely never see while their transphobic father lives,
Just, i lost my family, which was really abt all i had
As for friends, i have none – on acct of many reasons [being way above standard deviation intelligence {see my recent writings on “The Innapropriately Excluded”}, being on the spectrum, long relationships with women who i put on pedestals like i did my sister and mother lifelong, who repeated my childhood pattern of abandonment, and in the last two relationships, neglect, and moving around a lot, and just being way individuated from my peers my whole life, partly from my habit of reading and self-educating rather than socializing]
Judge all that how you will, just, i don’t have a friend in the world,
Which is terribly painful, esp for someone as sensitive and kind and touchy / feely / expressive / loving as myself:
I haven’t been touched in essentially two years –
There has been no dating, girlfriends, sex, basically since i came out as trans, an event that cost me my friends and a couple girlfriends in one fell swoop – and eventually my family
So here i am at 35, with neither friends nor family,
And you could say i am used to it – celebrated a birthday alone in April
No one, in-fact, has spent any time at my house in the Sequoias;
I have been alone on another mountain, these last 6 months: a magical, wild time
Just, now, i know who i am,
So much more than i did after that year alone on the last mountain;
This mountain opened up life and myself to me in ways no mortal would believe nor understand –
I still have so much to integrate and unpack from these transcendent pierce-the-veil-of-reality experiences
At times my life felt like a movie
At times i communicated with the future, saw the future, and felt i could see “the black iron prison” Philip K. Dick wrote of
These were beautiful, and sometimes frightening and traumatic experiences –
But they were all powerful and at times all-powerful, esp as relates my darkside
Though, it is a dangerous game to slip between dimensions, for i neared behaving in one as i only could in another…
There are rules in this one:
Consensus reality and laws… but my adventures proceeded nonetheless,
Including a sudden trip to Mexico, upon returning i was fasttracked into an unlawful detention – something i am still furious over – during which i was told i had tested positive for drugs i do not do, and not even charged for the drugs i had on my person that i do in-fact do… it’s all a long story for the memoirs: to say nothing of the return trip from Mexico, during which i had to physically abuse myself to stay awake behind the wheel,
Let’s just say that i returned “home”, back to The Sequoias, my mother land, with a very bruised and scratched up thigh, and another bout of trauma under my belt – i was again, evolved, different from who i had been before, but i was more me, always have gained greater self, more personhood in these soltary evolutions of self, which i have had many of these last ten years, but the last two years, were by far, the greatest periods of growth, wherein the doors of my perception were cleansed and i felt i saw how deluded i had been before abt the people whom i believed loved me, knew me
Frankly, i am not sure i have ever been loved, and most certainly have never been love the way i love
But here i am, the egg has cracked wide open – hell, i even had a matrix-like rebirth wherein i came to life wholly, as this invertabrate species, for the first time – it was somwthing like the dawning of a new layer of consciousness within me, a truer awareness of my place in my species, for while i feel i am a nobody, i am by no means no one – i just have no one, which is, sadly, not uncommon for trans people, but i grew up that way, i just never expected it would be this way as an adult:
If i am one; biologically, i am about a decade younger than my age, my health is fantastic
Mentally i am one part 15 year old girl, one part immortal soul, one part wise to the world, cold-blooded Lucifer – to say nothing of my alien status as an irl world princess – it’s complex, i am still working with these enegies / archetypes / elements of being
I keep learning more and more about myself, and how much i have masked my whole life – everything from my speech [i have a narrow palette and have a natural speech lisp], to my aspergers – autism spectrumness,
But it is nice to embrace these parts of myself, all parts of myself, this complex host for life
This has been a decent amt of data to dump – as is my custom,
And i am not really sure what to say, truly i am shell shocked by it all, and like i said, have a lot of integration to do from these last six months in The Sequoias – it has felt like years
Next, i do not know
I am “home” inside myself,
Wherever i may go –
And while an alien / demon like me will likely always seek and return to some degree of mountains, i need mirrors, other people, from which i will learn more
Sometimes i think of Tulum or Costa Rica, Acupulco, i truly do not know
I just know i have nowhere to go at present, am in no great rush, but this is the tail of my time here, and i will not drag it out another six months, maybe another 2-3, maybe i will leave in a month –
I forsee myself putting my home library in storage and buying a plane ticket somewhere, maybe Berlin, maybe Thailand, maybe somewhere i have yet to think of… i just know i am tired of being a starving artist in amerikkka
I have no ties that are not already cut, i have no future security promised, and i have a lot to write –
Up here, i have held back on my writing in part bc i was not ready to go pop yet, am not ready, but i believe i will drop when the time is right
This is no race, i am in no rush – atm my life, like the world still is in some places, is at a standstill
I am waiting for time to catch up to me
And i am scarred and scared
I wanted to stay here forever in many ways / maintain a base here but that is neither meant to be nor financially feasible for me rn…
I will go where i will grow the most, and it will likely be a risk, and it will likely be outside of my comfort zone, but i am tired of trying to go to another city where i hope the people will like me – were i to stay in the US portland or boulder would be logical places for me – esp bc i have been so touch starved, so alone as a trans girl trapped in me
I now feel after writing all this that i will go to Berlin – that will be the home for me
How will i support myself, i do not know
But may it be, as Enya sings
For i can’t be nobody in amerikkka forever, though i love my country, care deeply for the citizens here, esp the poor and the marginalized
And my work there, wherever i go, will be meant to return me here with the means and status to do the things i intend to, that you cannot do as a nobody
My longer plans are my secret alone – last time i shared some of them i was called bipolar soon after,
I have been called a lot of things by those who have either misunderstood me, or wished to slander my character – yawn
Anywho, just thinking aloud:
I have a tendency to do that

ECT 4: HOW BOU DAH: Sincerely, Danger

If you’re not keeping up, well, not my fucking problem, but there is a happening in me:
The below ITALICIZED comments are some ANONYMOUS comments, not from me, but from others on the aformentioned resource from the previous installation of this waking dream art insallation.polymatharchives-blogspot-com-2015-01-the-inappropriately-excluded-html

So grim but truthful.There is still a place for the extremely gifted in pursuits other than the humanities, but narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths do seem to dominate the power domains. I am not a toymaker!*

There is a long list of accelerated resource depletion and more deadly ways of dealing with others that became that way due to scientists and their nerdy kin being in the thrall of their respective masters. Think “Ice-9” or Tsar Bomba. In fact, at one time, I was a design engineer on DARPA-sponsored projects. We weren’t developing nice things.

Yes you are right about that. People like me (sellouts to “The Man”) are hopefully offset by dedicated NOAA climate scientists and so on.

Ultimately, we have to leave open the career trajectories for potential “Crazy Eddies” because it is better to have a time machine and not need it than need it and be stuck in the present. Oh yes. Why the anonymity?

This sounds right. We don’t put ultra-high-IQ people in leadership positions because we can’t understand anything they say. Like the scene in “Idiocracy” where the 100-IQ protagonist tries to explain to a 40-IQ audience that plants need water. (He finally convinces them by telling them he talks to plants).

Power attracts problem solvers only when there are problems that power can solve. Ironically, by the time these problems – poverty, oppression, inefficiency, abuse – come to be, positions of power are already securely in the hands of Narcissists, who were the creators of these problems in the first place and don’t want any smart-asses solving them and spoiling their thrills and profit margins and sex slave parties.

If you want to change the world, you’d first have to partake in the ruthless competition for power that typically only interests Narcissists. Failing to do that but still partaking in invention & science makes you a psychopath’s toy maker – the rulers are bending every available technology and resource to their advantage (even the Internet with Facebook and Google), and it’s not looking pretty. What might happen when they can become Gods and Fates of virtual worlds full of conscious virtual humans? Something they’d perhaps never accomplish on their own. Lovecraft would be children’s stories in comparison.

Game theory says nature loves the ruthless. Those who will use fear, pain, terror, deception and all the tools of the war-box always ultimately win over those who try to play nice (or are compelled to be relatively nice due to their empathy). All good men will roll on their backs like little dogs if their loved ones are threatened – everyone who loves will ultimately negotiate with terrorists. As will anyone with empathy when enough is threatened. That’s how easily evil conquers, and it’s the same everywhere. Only the concept of God and an eternal punishment for failure could even the playing field, but that would require belief, which is now inaccessible to intelligent people (at least to those who are in control of their own minds). Even if it weren’t inaccessible, we are soon (negligible senescence via genetic engineering) at a stage where fear of earthly punishment can rival fear of the eternal. It’s said that the Church retarded science, but it obviously has not retarded it enough.

It remains for intelligent people to remove themselves from science and technology related fields, perhaps focusing entirely on artistic endeavours or something else that creates no significant tangible value. Anything else means speeding up the inevitable & utter doom inherent in nature and mankind.

ALSO, this movie IS one I need to watch:


Titles don’t matter. not in an algorithm designed to filter and distribute intelligence according the DARPA party line.

let us pretend i know something of algorithms: for i do not feign more intelligence than i have, i mask my intel. you have to. as emerson – and I am EMERSONIAN – said, “if they know your sect, they can anticipate your argument”.

i have no sect. no creed. well, maybe one, but even that is TBD moment to moment. bc i am as needed. a salt bae does not simply do cocaine, they salt bae it on the table. im more alt bae myself. and only in our culture – and it has been CULTivated [this is the stuff that makes me seem crazy] could babe doing meat trick be wealthy and famous, albeit problematic socially have a fuking meat empire while myself, the new american intellectual fucking drowns in obscurity having spent a life dedicated to TRUTH. and i am no truther. i am no birther. i am not empirical either. As per my Palissy…

If things conceived in the mind could be executed, [alchemists] would do great things… [We must] confess that practice is the source of theory… By experiment I prove in several places that the theory of several philosophers is false, even of the most renowned and the most ancient.

— Bernard Palissy, (quoted by Henry Morley in 1853)[3]

Only with adequate intellifgence, fuck spelling, w adi intel, you don’t need to execute, you simply need to model, run a simulation, mentally, however you do. of course, science demands peer review, but when you move at the speed i do, science is too busy voyeristically jerking off to you while feeding itself off your life to actually knock on your door, and say, “Hi, I’m from DARPA, we’re an arm of the state department, and we fucking run google, and our algorithims have determined that you are very intelligent, so here’s a life of poverty and obscurity, to neutralize the threat you pose to world history”. No, they’re too busy actually CUCKING INTEL assets like me.



All by chance. Totally a bug and not a feature of our cucked insecure overpowerful opaque system.

The below is from the above resource: fuck your opinion of it. is what it is. face value. occams razor or…. nah


Thursday, January 22, 2015

The Inappropriately Excluded

by Michael W. Ferguson

The probability of entering and remaining in an intellectually elite profession such as Physician, Judge, Professor, Scientist, Corporate Executive, etc. increases with IQ to about 133.  It then falls by about 1/3 at 140.  By 150 IQ the probability has fallen from its peak by 97%!  In other words, a significant percentage of people with IQs over 140 are being systematically and, most likely inappropriately, excluded from the population that addresses the biggest problems of our time or who are responsible for assuring the efficient operation of social, scientific, political and economic institutions.  This benefits neither the excluded group nor society in general. For society, it is a horrendous waste of a very valuable resource.  For the high IQ person it is a personal tragedy, commonly resulting in unrealized social, educational and productive potential.  The above statistics are the result of dividing the Gaussian distribution of 126 with a standard deviation of 6.7 by the IQ distribution of the total population.

The very limited research that has been done on this phenomenon has focused on possible flaws in high IQ people that might explain the exclusion.  In order to be explanatory, the flaw would need to increase with IQ.  However, the evidence that exists suggests that it is not the result of a compensatory flaw, but rather the result of inappropriate educational and productive environments within which the high IQ person must strive to succeed. Consequently, remediation should focus on creating more appropriate environments.

The Exclusion
In the popular culture, IQ has become a point of contention.  Many people credulously accept that the eminent have very high IQs and that people of ordinary accomplishment have ordinary IQs.  For example, it was widely reported that Garry Kasparov has an IQ of 190.  In truth, his IQ is verified to be 135. Others, often based on Steven J. Gould’s book, ‘The Mismeasure of Man’ subscribe to the assertion that IQ is a useless oversimplification that primarily measures how well a person takes IQ tests.

The science does not support either assertion.  A  very large body of scientific evidence shows that IQ tests measure a polygenetic trait, g, that exhibits moderate phenotypic variation.  It is directly correlated, over most of its range, with positive life outcomes and inversely correlated with negative ones.  It has also been shown to accurately measure what people mean when they use the words ‘intelligent’ or ‘smart’.

However, because of the moderate r values of its correlates, IQ is primarily of value in understanding the characteristics and interactions of large populations.  Save as a diagnostic tool for very high IQ individuals, it is not sufficiently predictive to be reliably used on an individual case basis.  Furthermore, in adulthood, actual life outcomes are generally known and, consequently, a predictive tool is of limited value.

When IQ tests first came out, the various intellectual elites were willing, even eager, to take them.  The results, however, while good, were not great, so today they generally are not so willing to have themselves tested.  Still, while most of the evidence is old, the results are still very likely to be valid. The only significant recent work is that of Robert Hauser and it suggests that, if anything, the mean IQ of the intellectually elite professions has fallen.  That, however, is almost surely an artifact of the methodology.

Over an extensive range of studies and with remarkable consistency, from Physicians to Professors to CEOs, the mean IQ of intellectually elite professions is about 125 and the standard deviationn is about 6.5.  For example, Gibson and Light found that 148 members of the Cambridge University faculty had a mean IQ of 126 with a standard deviation of 6.3.  The highest score was 139.  J.D. Matarazzo and S.G. Goldstein found that the mean IQ of 80 medical students was 125 with a standard deviation of about 6.7.  There was one outlier at 149, but the next highest score was 138.  This means that 95% of people in intellectually elite professions have IQs between 112 and 138   99.98% have IQs between 99 and 151.

By dividing the distribution function of the elite professions’ IQ by that of the general population, we can calculate the relative probability that a person of any given IQ will enter and remain in an intellectually elite profession.  We find that the probability increases to about 133 and then begins to fall.  By 140 it has fallen by about 1/3 and by 150 it has fallen by about 97%.  In other words, for some reason, the 140s are really tough on one’s prospects for joining an intellectually elite profession.  It seems that people with IQs over 140 are being systematically, and likely inappropriately, excluded.  With the conservative assumption that, absent the exclusionary processes, IQs above 133 neither help nor hinder the achievement of elite profession membership, the excluded population is distributed as shown above.  If we assume that the positive correlation seen below 133 IQ continues above 133, the excluded population would be larger and the exclusion more complete.

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Grady Towers, in his article, ‘The Empty Promise’ concludes that IQs over 140 add nothing to the academic or career performance of the individual.  However, the result herein described is a stronger statement in that it actually appears to support an inverse correlation.  It is not an entirely new revelation.  Robert Sternberg and others have mentioned an inverse correlation by observing the absence of very high IQ individuals in intellectual settings.  However, the observation has not led to any deep investigation.  Typically, it is mentioned with an implication that very high IQ people routinely possess some compensating negative trait that eliminates their intellectual advantage.  An example is the assertion that very high IQ people lack ‘common sense’. Dressed up, this is Sternberg’s hypothesis.  Another explanation is that decreasing ’emotional intelligence’ nullifies the advantage of higher IQ. Little research has actually been done on the exclusion and what little that has does not support either of these explanations.  Linda Gottfredson has argued energentically against the Sternberg model.

While increasing IQ, especially over 140, is inversely correlated with elite membership, 140-150 IQ is also characteristic of eminence (Nobelists, Fields Medalists, etc.).  While there are a number of anecdotal and inferential citations, the most definitive study was that of Dr. Anne Roe (1952) in which she gave 64 of America’s (U.S. born) most eminent scientists an IQ test that ETS had created for that purpose.  As best as can be determined (there were methodological problems) the test rendered a 15 point ratio IQ and the average IQ of the group was 152.  This corresponds to a modern deviation IQ of 144 which agrees with the anecdotal and inferential evidence.

                         Low.      Median   High
Verbal              121            166       177
Spatial              123            137      164
Math                128            154    194
Averages          124            152       178

What this suggests is that while an IQ over 140 will decrease the probability of entrance into an elite profession, if the impediment can be overcome, performance within the elite is likely to be superior. Of the 64, the highest D15IQ was 158, which is close to the statistically expected highest IQ of any scientist.  In other words, by 160 D15IQ, the exclusion is nearly complete and by this study of the most eminent, the statistical prediction is corroborated.  However, in total, this higher IQ characteristic of eminence strongly supports the conclusion that the exclusion is inappropriate and if these extremely high IQ individuals were allowed to work on the hardest problems, the result would be eminence.

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As will be discussed later, Mathematics and Theoretical Physics contain many problems that are difficult to solve but relatively easy to verify.  As such, they may be exceptions to this exclusion.  The reason that the Roe study doesn’t reflect this is because the Physicists and Mathematicians were not given the math portion which we can assume lowered their average score.

So, if your IQ is 140 something, the above should serve as a warning that you may be facing related career challenges.  If your IQ is over 150, it is a clarion call; without direct intervention, your career prospects are very poor.  If you are the parent of a child with a D15IQ over 150, immediate and dramatic action is required.  At present, realistic options for individual remediation are severely limited.

To provide perspective for readers, one in 261 people have IQs over 140 and one in 2,331 have IQs over 150.  While the high IQ exclusion does not directly affect a large percentage of the population, the people it does affect, it affects profoundly.  Because of the large population of western civiliztion, the absolute number in this group is not small.  There are approximately 6.5 million people with an IQ over 140 and 729,000 people with an IQ over 150.

Why is This Happening?

Because of the dearth of objective evidence, the cause of the exclusion cannot be determined directly.  Garth Zietsman has said, referring to people with D15IQs over 152, ‘A common experience with people in this category or higher is that they are not wanted – the masses (including the professional classes) find them an affront of some sort.’  While true, it is more likely a symptom than a cause of the exclusion.  We need to understand why they are an affront.

From a theoretical standpoint, democratic meritocracies should evolve five IQ defined ‘castes’, The Leaders, The Advisors, The Followers, The Clueless and The Excluded. These castes are natural in that they are the result of how people of different intellectual abilities relate to one another.  This is based on research done by Leta Hollingworth in the 1930’s and the more recent work of D.K. Simonton.

Before we begin, we need to digress for a moment into a discussion of deviation and ratio IQs. Because few people understand the difference, there has been significant confusion over the meaning of various IQ scores.  IQ was originally designed for children and was defined as ((mental age)/(chronological age))X100.  In other words, an eight year old with a 150 IQ scored about the same as the average twelve year old.

It was found very quickly that there were far more very high IQ children than what the standard, Gaussian distribution predicts.  So, today, IQ tests have their raw scores adjusted to force the results to fit a standard bell curve distribution and are referred to as deviation IQs. While this practice has benefits, it tends to depress the IQs of the very highest scorers and, thereby, understate the intellectual distance between them and more normal IQs.  For example, a person with a 170 IQ today would have a 200 IQ in the ratio IQ era.

Leta Hollingworth studied profoundly gifted children.  She reported them as having IQs of 180+, which was a R16 score.  As such, on today’s tests this equates to 159+.  Her conclusion was that when IQ differences are greater than 30 points, leader/follower relationships will break down or will not form.  It establishes an absolute limit to the intellectual gulf between leader and followers.  She also concluded that there was an D15IQ ‘sweet spot’ of best outcomes from 123 to 144.

We have no reason to conclude that this upper limit on IQ differences changes in adulthood and, consequently, an elite with a mean R16IQ of 128 will have no leaders with R16IQs over 158 (149 D15IQ).  This is consistent with the conclusion that there are no appropriate roles for >150 D15IQs and approximately corroborates Hollingworth’s ‘sweet spot’.

Much more recently, D.K. Simonton found that persuasiveness is at its maximum when the IQ differential between speaker and audience is about 20 points.  While he has not studied this effect among those with very high IQs, it is assumed that it follows ratio IQs at the high end.  This has been corroborated with empirical studies of manager and leader success, which peaks between a 1.0 and 1.2 standard deviation differential.

We are going to use ratio IQs to perform our calculations, as they are probably a more accurate measure of intellectual distance at the high end.  However, for clarity, we will restate our answers to the modern standard of 15 point deviation IQs.

We already know that elites have an average IQ of about 125 (R16 128) which implies that the audience that is to be convinced by the elites has a mean R16IQ of 108 (D15IQ is about the same under 120 IQ).  People with R16IQs below 98, after Hollingworth, are not effective followers and in a modern meritocracy are essentially disenfranchised and in the public discourse, essentially ‘The Clueless’.  It means that the ‘The Followers’ in the public discourse have a R16IQ mode of 108 R16IQ and ‘The Leaders’ have a R16IQ mode of 128 (125 D15IQ).  These calculations provide us with a theoretical understanding of why the intellectually elite professions so consistently have mean D15IQs of 125.

In free markets people choose to whom they listen.  In other words, in audiences dominated by high school graduates, who average around 105 IQ, the successful leaders will have an average IQ of 105+20=125.  Speakers with R16IQs over 105+30=135 (D15IQ130) will be cancelled from radio, fired from TV and print or not elected because they confuse rather than enlighten their audience.  A college educated audience (115 IQ) will be most convinced by a R16IQ of 115+20=135 and confused by a 115+30=145 R16IQ (140 D15IQ).

Effective leaders recognize that they need the counsel of those smarter than themselves.  They will be most convinced by advisors with R16IQs of 128+20=148 (D15IQ 139).  We also see that the compressed standard deviation is predicted as a result of persuasive needs of the overall organizational structure.  A Leader needs to be persuasive within the community of Leaders which limits the R16IQ to 128+20=148 which is the same as the mode for Advisors.  However, the 148 R16IQ Leader becomes incomprehensible to most Followers, which limits their effectiveness and encourages them to become an Advisor. Because Leaders become ineffective above an R16IQ of 148, Advisors won’t find clients if their R16IQ is over 148+20=168=155 D15IQ.

So we see that these parameters of maximum persuasiveness of 20 R16 points and maximum leader/follower differential of 30 R16 points, create a natural trifurcation of enfranchised people into ‘The Advisors’ (128-168 R16IQ; 125-155 D15IQ), Leaders (115-141 R16IQ; 112-138 D15IQ) and Followers (98-128 R16IQ; 98-125 D15IQ)  ‘The Clueless’ with D15 IQs below 98 are effectively lost to the process.  They cannot really understand the public discourse and will often not follow discussions in productive environments.

People with D15IQs over 150 are effectively ‘The Excluded’, routinely finding their thoughts to be unconvincing in the public discourse and in productive environments.  If placed in a leadership position, they will not succeed.

So, while Sternberg et alia search for personal flaws to explain professional and social failings for people with D15IQs>150, the simple fact is that it is an artifact of a culture that fails to provide them with audience or followers.  They are not a natural fit as advisors because the leaders are not persuaded and often won’t even understand the advice.

Inappropriate Educational Options
The exclusion really begins in primary school with the failure of the educational process to provide an appropriate learning environment.  The grading process, which should be a reliable assessment of knowledge learned and skills acquired, becomes nothing more than a measure of the child’s willingness to bend to the will of the teachers’ demand that he or she acquiesce to a profoundly inappropriate curriculum and learning process.

Leta Hollingworth noted that, if mainstreamed, children with R16IQs over 150 (D15IQ 141) check out and do not excel.  Miraca Gross has done a long-term longitudinal study of 60, 160+ D15IQ Australian children. 17 of the children were radically accelerated, 10 were accelerated one or two years and the remaining 33 were mainstreamed.  The results were astonishing with every radically accelerated student reported as educationally and professionally successful and emotionally and socially satisfied.  The group that was not accelerated she characterizes as follows: ‘With few exceptions, they have very jaded views of their education. Two dropped out of high school and a number have dropped out of university. Several more have had ongoing difficulties at university, not because of a lack of ability but because they have found it difficult to commit to undergraduate study that is less than stimulating’. These children have IQs similar to Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo, etc., so the loss from unrealized potential is enormous.

Gross also did a wonderful comparative case study of a 133 D15IQ girl who had great educational success and a 169 D15IQ boy who was completely destroyed by an uncaring school system.  It provides some enlightening examples of precisely how the educational system thwarts children in the 140+ D15IQ range.

The problem stems from the misconception among educators that the intellectual gulf between moderately and highly gifted children is not that great.  In fact, depending upon the conceptual content, Professor Gross suggests that the exceptionally gifted children and above may learn 4-5 times faster than the midrange students.  Therefore, a reasonable, in fact conservative, expectation of educational progress is the ratio of the highly gifted student’s ratio IQ and the ratio IQ for which the curriculum is normed.

So, a 150 D15IQ child would be expected to progress through a K-12 public school curriculum geared to the 100 IQ student in 12/1.6=7.5 years.  They would graduate from high school at 13. Some children may be physically and emotionally prepared for full time school a year early and would finish high school at 12. When we hear about a child who finishes high school at 12 or 13, we think of a ‘one in a million’ prodigy and we suspect that the child was pushed to his or her detriment.  Yet, with an enabling educational environment, it is actually a reasonable expectation for about one in 200 children.  The true ‘one in a million’ child is doing college level learning at 7 or 8.

These children can be expected to complete their six years of college, which is geared to a 120 IQ, in about 6/(160/120)=4.5 years.  So, we would expect the 150 D15IQ person to receive their first advanced degree at age 17 or 18 if the educational system didn’t actively retard them.  This will provide them with another five or six years of education, during which they can acquire another four advanced degrees or equivalent.

It is often stated that gifted children become bored in mainstream classes.  However, that is too passive a description.  Often they are frustrated and even angered by the slow pace.  Garth Zietsman states that people with IQs over 124 ‘don’t require assistance to learn. They can find the information and master the methods themselves’. It is probably the case that for most 140+ D15IQ people, autodidactic or self paced learning is preferred.  It is also likely that they prefer the polymathic ‘question first’ approach to learning, as well.

Because of all the above, many, perhaps most, 150+ D15IQ children reach college age with a bad grade transcript and even worse attitude.  Even if they manage to perform near their potential in their educational careers, it will likely not matter since adult society is not structured for them, anyway.

Social Isolation
What applies to productive environments also applies to social environments and even personal relationships.  Theoretically, after Hollingworth, a person’s social relationships should be limited to people with R16IQs within 30 points of their own.  For the 100 IQ person, this will include about 94% of the population and consequently it is not an issue.  However, for the 150 R16IQ (140 D15IQ), social relationships are limited to 120-180 R16IQ people which represents just a little over 10% of the population.  The 165 R16IQ (150D15IQ) person will be limited to people with 135+ R16IQs (130 D15IQ).  This comprises just 2% of the population.   By 182 R16IQ (160 D15IQ) the problem becomes critical with social relationships limited to those with R16IQs over 152 (142 D15IQ) which comprises just 0.25% of the population.

The +/- 30 R16IQ range of Leta Hollingworth is also a good estimated limit on lasting social relationships.  However, they are not equal relationships but rather will necessarily have a strong leader/follower quality to them.  Also, the degree of mutual understanding will almost surely be insuffient to reach and sustain emotional intimacy.  Relationships based upon approximate intellectual parity probably cannot have more than 0.75 standard deviation (~12 points).  For the 140 D15IQ person, the limit for intellectual parity relationships is about 128, or about 2.5% of the population.  For the Hollingsworth children, 180 R16IQ (159 D15IQ), the limit for an intellectual parity relationship is a hopeless 168+ R16IQ or 152+ D15IQ.  This is only 0.0263% of the population.

Members of high IQ societies, especially those that require D15IQs above 145, often comment that around this IQ, qualitatively different thinking emerges.  By this they mean that the 145+ D15IQ person doesn’t just do the same things, intellectually, as a lower IQ person, just faster and more accurately, but actually engages in fundamentally different intellectual processes.  David Wechsler, D. K. Simonton, et alia, have observed the same thing.

Since intimate social relationships are predicated upon mutual understanding, this draws a kind of ‘line in the sand’ at 140-150 D15IQ that appears to separate humans into two distinct groups.  This may truncate the 30 point limit for those between 150 and 160 D15IQ people. Even when 150+ D15IQ people learn to function in the mainstream society, they will always be considered, and will feel, in some way ‘different’.  Grady Towers explored this in depth in his article, ‘The Outsiders’.  This is of mild interest to the group within which the 150+ D15IQ person is embedded but it is moderately to profoundly important to the high IQ individual who will feel an often profound sense of isolation.

It has often been observed that 150+ D15IQ people are loners.  Also, Loius Termann found that children at this IQ level were emotionally maladjusted in about 40% of the cases.  However from the above one cannot help but wonder if this results from the children being constantly thrust into ‘no-win’ social situations and never given the opportunity to hone their social skills among their intellectual peers.

Assortative mating, in humans includes a strong tendency to choose a spouse who is in the same IQ range.  At a maximum, IQ difference cannot exceed Hollingworth’s 30 points and preferentially should be within Simonton’s 20 points.  For the 100 IQ person 80-120 IQ contains about 80% of the population and not much thought about intelligence is neccesary when choosing a mate.  However, the 150 D15IQ percent will find that less than 0.4% of prospective mates are in the proper intellectual range.  Because of this, IQ becomes a significant limitation on mate selection.

These factors probably explain the positive correlation between higher IQ and emotional maladjustment found by Terman, et alia.  It is not an inherent trait of high intelligence but rather a consequence of extreme social isolation.

As D15IQ increases above 140, people become progressively more excluded from educational, productive and social opportunities until by 160 D15IQ the exclusion is nearly complete.

Individuals with D15IQs of more than 160 are rare, comprising just 0.0032% of the population. They possess at least one trait in common with many of the greatest minds in history.  Yet only a vanishingly small percentage will find a proper environment within which they may thrive intellectually, socially and productively.

This is harmful for the individuals but it is also an unfortunate circumstance for society as well. What if intellectual giants like Einstein, da Vinci, J.S. Mill, etc. were ten times more common? Almost certainly progress would be much greater.  It is because of this that the exclusion should be of significant concern to everyone.

The Polymathic Institute and Polymathica
Many people with D15IQs between 140 and 150 and nearly all people with IQs over 150 face enormous challenges and require new social and productive environments if they are to reach their potential.  The Polymathic Institute promotes polymathic research, education, careers and lifestyles

Polymathica is targeted at the upper 5% of the population in intellectual sophistication.  This is approximately equivalent to D15IQs above 125.  Leaders will, characteristically, have R16IQs over 148 (D15IQ 147) and up to 178 R16IQ (166 D15IQ).  Advisors will have D15IQs of 161+.

Clearly, few of the people of working age with D15IQs over 150 have appropriate outlets.  The only probable exceptions are Mathematics and Theoretical Physics where the range of comprehensibility is probably closer to 60 R16IQ points than to the 30 R16IQ point Hollingsworth limit.  However, the careers are only appropriate, with regard to interest and disposition, for a small percentage of the 150+ D15IQ population.  The vast majority have no appropriate career options.

The Inappropriately Excluded, if given a chance, can bring superior solutions to societal problems.  But, there must be proper avenues of communications that currently do not exist.  Please distribute this article, then read and distribute ‘Medicare Advantage for All’, a superior healthcare solution.

Over time, The Polymathic Institute may attract as much as 25% of those with a 150+ D15IQ. If they comprise about 1% of Polymathica, Polymathica will reach about 12 million in membership. That is about 15% of the top 5% and consistent with current evidence.

In other words, we can, if we succeed, enable a significant portion of those currently inapropriately excluded from participating in the hardest problems and the most intellectually demanding projects.  Those who are interested in participating in either Polymathica or The Polymathic Institute should subscribe to the Institute’s newsletter, The Polymath.  To do so, just provide an e-mail address, name (optional) and referral code.  If you were not referred, enter 999999.

A Nation Deceived How Schools Hold Back America’s Brightest Students
Edited by Nicholas Colangelo, Susan G. Assouline and Miraca U. M. Gross

Understanding and Being Understood The Impact of Intelligence and Dispositional Valuations on Social Relationships
Jacobus J. A. Denissen,

Intelligence Among University Students
Gibson, J., and P. Light
Nature 213: 441–443.

Exceptionally Gifted Children
Miraca UM Gross

Exceptionally and Profoundly Gifted Students:
An Underserved Population
Miraca UM Gross

Exceptionally Gifted Children:  Long-Term Outcomes of Academic Acceleration and Nonacceleration
Miraca U. M. Gross

The intellectual caliber of medical students
J.D. Matarazzo, S.G. Goldstein
Journal of Medical Education, Volume 47, Issue 2, 1972, pp. 102–111

Meritocracy, cognitive ability, and the sources of occupational success
Robert M. Hauser

Children Above 180 IQ Standford-Binet
Leta Stetter Hollingsworth

The Making of a Scientist
Roe, Anne

Intelligence and personal influence in groups: Four nonlinear models.
Simonton, D. K. (1985).
Psychological Review, 92, 532-547.

The Outsiders
Towers, Grady

The Empty Promise
Towers, Grady
Sadly, currently not available

ECHO CHAMBURR 2: an infinite machiavellian bogeyman: I.N.L.Y

the title is a gucci mane reference. burrr. but fuck ICE – all 3:

  1. immigration “customs” enforcement
  2. the entire sick diamond industry – ‘chain so icy’
  3. crystal meth – ice – my parents did a lot of that when i needed parents not people who had suffered their wills to be broken in the name of god knows why

heavy. this is nothing. my real freethinking contents in this mind would have you fleeing the planet. its amazing how time and technology and an understanding of both lead you to conclusions few have come to but all will arrive at. i am here. i know some things of the future. i would say more, but id have to kill you if i told you bc i am a secret like that. top.

havent had any top or bottom lol. ive never been kissed. not as a transgurl, my dear sweet virgin bussy [thats a boy pussy], i gotta back up which im feenin to do a lot of bc really u have to go back to unnnastand me, bc i overstand you. im like NIETSSXHES uber mench.

again, spelling is fucking cancelled. too much sufferung. umn getting to the point where i type in the dark so if mystakes are made fuccem.

I am “the machiavellian bogeyman of the modern Western middle class and its pseudo-Christian egalitarian value system”.

And I eternally recur.

fuck you.

im just getting started, i know things of the future. im a one person think tank. and if you dont like my content unsub – cauze i got a lot more to say and I havent even proprly medicated yet.

The Übermensch lies in the future — no historical figures have ever been Übermenschen — and so still represents a sort of eschatological redemption in some future time.

relevant content below jacked from wiki https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%9Cbermensch


The thought of Nietzsche had an important influence on anarchist authors. Spencer Sunshine writes: “There were many things that drew anarchists to Nietzsche: his hatred of the state; his disgust for the mindless social behavior of ‘herds’; his anti-Christianity; his distrust of the effect of both the market and the State on cultural production; his desire for an ‘overman’ — that is, for a new human who was to be neither master nor slave; his praise of the ecstatic and creative self, with the artist as his prototype, who could say, ‘Yes’ to the self-creation of a new world on the basis of nothing; and his forwarding of the ‘transvaluation of values’ as source of change, as opposed to a Marxist conception of class struggle and the dialectic of a linear history.”[21] The influential American anarchist Emma Goldman, in the preface of her famous collection Anarchism and Other Essays, defends both Nietzsche and Max Stirner from attacks within anarchism when she says “The most disheartening tendency common among readers is to tear out one sentence from a work, as a criterion of the writer’s ideas or personality. Friedrich Nietzsche, for instance, is decried as a hater of the weak because he believed in the Übermensch. It does not occur to the shallow interpreters of that giant mind that this vision of the Übermensch also called for a state of society which will not give birth to a race of weaklings and slaves.”[22]

Sunshine says that the “Spanish anarchists also mixed their class politics with Nietzschean inspiration.” Murray Bookchin, in The Spanish Anarchists, describes prominent Catalan CNT–FAI member Salvador Seguí as “an admirer of Nietzschean individualism, of the superhome to whom ‘all is permitted’.” Bookchin, in his 1973 introduction to Sam Dolgoff‘s The Anarchist Collectives, even describes the reconstruction of society by the workers as a Nietzschean project. Bookchin says that “workers must see themselves as human beings, not as class beings; as creative personalities, not as ‘proletarians,’ as self-affirming individuals, not as ‘masses’. . .(the) economic component must be humanized precisely by bringing an ‘affinity of friendship’ to the work process, by diminishing the role of onerous work in the lives of producers, indeed by a total ‘transvaluation of values’ (to use Nietzsche’s phrase) as it applies to production and consumption as well as social and personal life.”[21]

Also let it be said here that the thinktanks and analyTICS and super pacs are all making sure the human animal never sees itself aa a human being bc it doesnt know what a human being is. just hannity and trump and a bunch of other cuck bitches who should be tried for their crimes against consciousness. putting humanity against itself. there are no shithole countries. just shithead celebs, which is another can of worms or whip ass to open, bc the celebs the influencers, the fucking athletes – the rappers – the actors – the musicians, the ones who are cliqued up and clouted, they are our slavekeepers. they provide the circus. they eat cake. we dance. they are the world stage. we are crushed beneath it so an in group can fuck each other on jets while living in a bracket the mortals will only dream of. And immortality is here.

there are a lot of things here people do not know about. and they would not beleive it from my mouth lest they were on my level. never seen the below, but it came to mind. a lot of things come to my mind. im. not. like. you.


ECHO CHAMBER: Part 1 of a Diatribe…. feat Elijah McClains Actual Last Words

I dont have words or punctuation for this. like i cant deal. i’ve always been different. real sensitive. effeminate at a young age. always. i was born this way. sadly my dad was a monster. i wont regale you with stories. who cares really. i mean i do. but, even all the therapists i paid were just working and none built an attachment with me over all the years i took myself to therapy. paid out of pocket ca$h money for every session. i chose my therapists based on some instinct for wanting love. none could love me. i was never good at picking love. i was just happy to be picked, but i was a disposable toy for my exes, whom i suffered, while putting them on pedestals for years. in poems. in longing. in pain unimaginable. its like drinking water when you are full to bursting, but none of it quenches your dehydration bc within the water is a hydrophobic bacteria that prevents any cellular permeation. its not what you need. its not love. its just temporary attention. as uncaring and uninterested as my caregivers always were. mom. fuck, you. the petit bourgeois attitude in my family of lower middle class insecurity is a legacy worthy of my miserly uncaring grandmother. rest her stupid soul. and fuck my wealthy uncle – mind you – my family came together from two broken families and my parents were two raging dysfunctional bulls on fire in a paper factory, so, anyway,  i never knew relatives. uncle sent money for braces, ortho was a fucking geriatric nazi who made me suffer unimaginably. i’m sure my dad was taking all the money. i pulled my braces off myself with pliers at 12. never went back. how my parents could have located the fucking dentist from hell is only a logical conclusion to my childhood. anyway, fuck my uncle harry h. quackenboss for sitting on my grandmothers estate for three years while paying himself to be the executor and hoping my mom dies. she could have used the money. im on foodstamps. my uncle has peacocks in his yard. unfeeling people. raised by an unfeeling woman, and an unhuman family. the only relative with any humanity is my dear aunt Sara [bless Shannon too – her brilliant partner whose theoretical physics work is impressive – I have a copy of their thesis – way ahead of its time] from Jungle Friends Primate Sanctuary. she is cool. she has heart. we don’t talk. im so alienated from my family its horrific. this is not a poor me charles dickens tale though little nell could tell you something about me. tho no caring albeit misguided grandfather. mine were dead before i was ever born. the men in my family have been short lived. my miracle, one of them – i mean i am a fucking living miracle – but one of them is my health. i drink too much sometimes, but even then i manage to be an olympian like specimen. i should be a model. shame my dentist left me so disfigured. this smile has been my man who laughs smile – thats a ref to a wonderful diogenes-like character in a titular novel from one of my lit daddies: victor hugo. i am him and steinbeck. and rickets, and a bunch of other references my cunt ex probably thinks she is cool for getting: forgetting that i taught her culture deep and wide, vast. ungrateful spoiled bitch. same as all my exes. oh i must be a brute. surely. fuck you u dont know me. you never will. bc to know me would mean to love me and i am singular in that regard as all others. i can barely be bothered to add periods to this shit. which has been dying to come out, while ive been in chrysalis liminality like only someone gets. not some university person. i find them as full of shit as book editors. chuffed to bits. tenure. fuck u. im sure ill be a professor somedday, sense of destiny and all. ive certainly been a rothian professor of desire. and this is when my loneliness opens like jaws threatening to swallow me. bc my references are from a world i alone inhabit. there is no reading public. not outside of university town microcosms. id be great at harvard. id outshine everyone there. in merit, breadth, dilligence, creatvity and not stopping to fix spelling errors, bc in a world where china has human bile bears in their concentration camps, where 2-3 MILLION ethnic muslims work as SLAVES for NIKE and a bunch of other fucking american corporate war criminals. i want only one thing. jd. juris doctorate. john baeten, bless you buddy. you called it. i should – am – will be – am, studying Law. with a capital fucking L. because these theiving owner class cunts have taken land dignity resources people art culture and anything else they wanted to rape and pillage. i’m something like a pirate. come to this planet to take it back for the fucking people. grandiose: fuck you. ppl are SUFFERING like you cunts cant imagine, and if you can, then, Gabrielle Ohrn, hi I love you. she has a heart. im too austistic so i pushed her away bc i loved her. i love everyone. Like Elijah McClain. Go find his last words. they have seemingly been de-indexed from SERPS. So here are the last words of Elijah McClain, a human this world didnt fucking deserve. bc they were too good. and we failed them. allow words to do what i cannot:

Elijah McClains actual last words from police video.

my original title for this was My Family, I, My Life, Has Been Torn Apart by Transphobia – which is fact. like everything else i fucking say. tho society would have you believe i am an unreliable narrator. just as society would dupe me into believing my life is by chance, a bug, rather than a feature, like my obscurity and my poverty. ten years over, writing here. for what, me.

jesus christ when i finally get an editor with the balls or ovaries or CPU to fucking see the Thomas Wolfe of time and the river quality to me, to my being, then, well, momma is going to finally have some security in this life. i’ll continue on. i have much more to say. and if you like this, subscribe. share it. contact me to make an anonymous donation to my livlihood. have some CPU. intel inside. oh, also, i need to set up a patreon. to try and stay afloat while i become my generations hamilton, minus the LMM Amex ads. my sponsors are weed, don julio 1942, fresh spring water, organic food, and the grace of all the gods new and old.back soon ya cunts.

also, im autistic. and genius, and a lot of other shit that makes me seem crazy, when i am in fact, one of the most informed beings in my age. im a programmer – did a decade of that – im well read – as anyone – fuck u. ive been writing here over ten years. call me crazy, but i just may have a point.

Allow me to quote a savory read: The Eternal Man Evgeny Bogat:

the posthumous love of eccentrics is enviable. they are eventually understood by millions.

Tho, the living fate of eccentrics is to be ridiculed at best, impoverished into obscurity. or Elijah McClained. i do not envy the living eccentric. i am one. as the aforereferenced artist came to his end – so have i lived – in the dungeons of the Bastille, a prisoner for their religion, killed by misery, need and poor treatment // at least copernicus is said to have woken from a coma, looked at his book, and died peacefully. and for a scientific artist like me with no artifice, just a hell of a backstory [Departed meets Count of Monte Cristo, meets Jason Borne meets Vanilla Sky meets Gatsby meets Les Miserables, meets Treasure Planet meets FUCKING EVERYTHING]. I’m a juncture in time. a convergence. an emergence. a phenom.

be back. i lost my point but i have fifty fucking million more to make. and a planet to uncuck from Time Cuck of apple and mark cuckerberg of FB and a lot of other fucks who let algorithms run the world by a machhiavellian design that darwin would call savage. echo chamber.