Of What Can Never Die

I dreamt of Bunny Waters [nee?] last night:
She sent me a text with a horse emoji saying she was having ‘a dog of a time in life’,
Then – as suddenly as happens in dreams – she was there with me,
And I saw her, kissed her face,
Melted, hugged her good, and felt her love return to me in ways that let me wake aglow…
Even if I subsequently fell with the sun…

I wax and wane, but I never forgot her, never enjoyed the eternal sunshine of the spotless kind with her, as I did with the others – as I pray to with the last;
No, I never wanted to forget my Shannon, for I never felt completely hated by her:
Never felt she meant to or ever wanted to hurt me, we were equals in that sense
So years later – now – her spirit, her heart are strong and alive in me,
Animating me in myriad innocent affectations,
In wholesome utterances and mannerisms, numerous and neverending,
I have remained smally her’s

Thus this solitary wolf mom,
Feels mists of a vapor, a trailing warmth, and a real love,
From one for whom they no longer exist –
Though she likely knew I would be the biographer, the torch bearer; ouch
Thankfully, I’m mad as a fucking hatter,
And she still brings me joy, even in her absence – and sometimes because of it 😝💜💜
For I am also grateful for her abject coldness toward me at the end,
Without which, I would never have been able to bear missing her

I am glad winters fade and summers grow, that stars die and supernovas bloom
Funny it is: persons as seasons, as planetary energies destined to orbit us
If only I could nuke the last one away,
Whose animus I can feel….
But at least –
Even if via dream,
Some memory, some living parcel of my soul has reflected a smile back upon me,
Who has been so long without one

Just to be reminded of the joy of love,
Of what can never die

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