I have to write a bit; this is where I program myself, where I reflect back what I am.
And I’m moving into the life I believe I deserve.
I recently took a quantum leap and faced my deepest fears. Up and to dying. And that was the one I accepted. And it made all the difference.
No more fear, no more stress.
A song I have liked, by FC Kahuna, came on tonight – it is a song I used to enjoy listening to during a long, comforting bath.
But as I listened to the lyrics tonight, I was no longer soothed by the song:
“Don’t think about everything you fear,
Just be glad to be here.”
And tonight, I thought, well, there’s nothing I fear any longer – and were there, I would want to face it: immediately. See through whatever it was in my mind. And overcome it, knowing I am strong enough – for whatever.
Stress and fear are the same.
They are simply beliefs that we don’t possess the requisite inner resources to handle an outer situation. And that becomes an inner situation. Stress and fear are terrible masters.
And both can be faced with the same omnipotent inner courage: knowing.
And if you believe you can handle it, you can. Simple as that.
You need no complex truths. Just self-knowledge of inner strength, worth, and abundant inner resources. You are enough.
And if you can gain this oneupmanship over your mind, you’re free. Trust me. I am liberated.
And if you’re reading this, you’re probably close to liberation too. Consciousness is a breath we all draw. And I am the first to be mentally and emotionally free in generations. Evolution. We are all part of a personal, social, familial pattern called culture. And if a writer in your generation, me, is free – in light of the wild matrix that is the collective – well, chances are you can, will be free to.
It’s a choice we have.
To spend our lives in fear and stress, or to know we will die – so much so that there is nothing to fear.
Shakespeare wrote about it:
“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard.
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.”
– Shakespeare, Julius Cesar
(Act II, Scene II, Line 32)
My friends. Fear not. This is all temporary. One long movie, with a beginning, middle, and end.
Reading all this. Knowing this. You’ll overcome the fear and the stress. The truth always sets us free.
And when you are free from fear, you are no longer controllable. Not by the past, not by the future, not by the present, not by self-esteem, not by who you worship, or who you have worshipped, or who has hurt you, or how you have hurt yourself. You’re free.
Then you’re left with the next important choice:
What do I want to do while I Am here?
And once you decide what you truly want – at your deepest and most authentic level – once you start writing the movie of your life, designing your experience, consciously choosing your path, deciding your reality, then you have to believe in it.
Another leap of faith. But it’s the same as getting over fear. It’s simply knowing that you are capable. And beyond that, knowing you are worthy of the feelings, of the things you desire.
Own it. Whatever it is you want in your life, own it. Don’t just pass the time. Don’t just survive. Don’t just accept what is. Admit to yourself exactly what you want. And know, you’ll never give up on it. And don’t let go of that vision. Sharpen it. Focus it. Keep it in the front of your mind. See it before your eyes.
Because that is the key. Knowing you have it. Everyone will tell you this. You have to visualize it. You have to see it. And most importantly, you have to feel it.
No doubts. Utter confidence. The feelings that give you the courage to jump in.
You have to have the nerve. And you have to know it is always yours. You are what you seek: what you seek seeks you.
This is the law of vibration. Believe in it or not – but it is the choice of believing in your mind or not. Your mind creates your reality. Trust me, happy people think good thoughts. People full of love are loving. Warm people are warm. Be what you want to be and accept nothing less.
Raise the quality of your thoughts to meet you. Don’t wait until you feel better or you never will. Decide to feel better. And feel better. And if you do not, face whatever barriers are within you. You can overcome all of them. There is always someone who has overcome more than you.
I am rewriting my story.
I have not known hard. Ever. I have only made it hard on myself. I have only not known any better. I have only not known there was someone within me as strong as anyone who has ever lived. I have only ever doubted myself. I have only ever been afraid. I have only ever been scared. I have only ever pushed people away. I have only ever pitied myself. I have only ever self-destructed on my own volition.
But now I know. All the failures were signposts. And it has all only ever served me – even if only today, only if in hindsight. And my failures in life are the most powerful, invaluable proofs of the power of my thoughts, my feelings.
And I haven’t been an Alpha in a long time.
But today, I believe in myself. I am above my fears and worries. They are melting away. As they arise. As I face them. And this is a great power.
Now I see the pearl that I am. And I wonder. What is the dirt, what is the shame, what are the wounds that pearl has formed around?
Because now I want to know myself. My inner child. My inner feminine. I have found my way back to me. Back home, to a place I will never depart from. And I understand that I was apart from myself for a long time. I let another own my worth, and when I fell in their estimation, I fell in my own, and when I fell in my own estimation, I only fell further in theirs.
I used to let my thoughts sink all the way to the bottom. And I did. I have a full, rich life behind me. One full of beautiful things loved and lost. Things I took for granted. Myself most of all.
Didn’t know my worth. My worth (Not what someone else thinks). So I was ashamed and afraid. Hid my faults from myself in denial and inner conflict. Had no means to know the value of my mistakes. Had no art, no perspective to appreciate all my pain, to love my wounds.
And now, life is further opening up.
And I get to use everything for my art. Every vice and virtue. And all of my gratitude, love, and humility.
It is not only okay to be different, it is beneficial. What makes you different is what the world needs. What makes you different are your gifts. Don’t conform in ways that bury who you are.
If you want to live the life uncommon, you have to be uncommon, you have to lead an uncommon life. And you have to walk an unconventional path. But it’s your’s. Let it be familiar. Love it. Honor it. Nurture it.
And just hold the vision of what you want as a belief – as if it were already done.
Consciousness is very telling.
If you think you need advice, you do. If you think you need some grand ego death and awakening, and some psychedelic trip to give you the answer that’s going to make it all click, then you do.
And if you think you have all the answers to your inner questions, then you’ll have them.
My point is, stop looking outside of yourself. You’ll search forever that way.
Trust your inner self. Trust your inner child. Trust your inner wise old man. Trust your truths. Trust that you can be honest with yourself about how you feel. And trust that you can know yourself.
Be with yourself. Put the phone / tv / etc distractions down and listen to yourself. Dialogue with yourself. Ask yourself how you are. And let yourself answer. You’ll probably find things about your needs that you are repressing for whatever reason. And then you can learn to be there for yourself. Because you need you.
And you no longer fear. And you believe in what you want. And you envision it and feel it. And you face what arises in conflict with it. And you declare yourself to be what you are, wholly committed to becoming it.
And you stay focused and take small actions daily. And you check in with yourself. And you are honest with yourself. And patient. Because you can’t wait to have it to feel good. In fact, you know that the better you feel, the more you will have. So you cultivate habits that support your feeling good. Because you know it is all about self-love, self-care, and self-respect. Living true to yourself, within your vision. Never without it. Enter it. Penetrate it. Pierce it. Touch it. Become one with it. Let your vision be your beloved. Know it. Love it. Court it.
Be the suitor of your fate until it is here. Until then: know it is yours.