Be Free

If you knew me – as perhaps only one beyond myself truly does today – then you would know that I am blessed. Way up

If you knew what I had been through, where I came from, what I have faced – you would simply be astonished. My life, in every regard, has eclipsed my wildest dreams. 

If I told the story of it all, you wouldn’t even beleive it. As Mark Twain wrote: the only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction has to be believable. 

But this, dear reader, is my life. 

Full of laughter and innocence, and dreams, and beauty. 

For over six years I have dipped my pen into my soul, bleeding the things I have lived – real and imagined. 

But this – this is unreal. 

For a long time, I struggled to find grattitude. I fought to love the things that were fated for me. Only now – I have finally come to see that gratitude does not in itself create happiness, but, rather, that happiness creates grattitude. And the only thing that creates happiness is choosing to be happy. 

And I am happy. Happier than I ever knew I could be. 

And not intermittently or on occasion; I am happy from dreams to sleep and back to dreams again. 

No, God did not give me this. This is not some miracle from the sky

This is a miracle from this guy


The divine within.

Divine, from Latin divus, meaning: the god within. 

And I prefer the god within to the god out there

I’m not talking about religion; I’m talking about being

And consciousness, as I understand it, is a computer. 

Religion is nothing more than software. And you are free to load those programs – but I would rather think for myself. 

And before you think me am atheist, let me tell you that I believe in the non-material world more than I do the physical plane. 

We are creators.

This reality is mine.

Belief creates reality: you choose it, you doose it. 

Fuck religion. 

Think for yourself. 

But I’m not here to give advice. I’m merely writing this as a testimony to my own experience. 

Frankly, I don’t give a fuck what you think. 

This is my life. 

You can be as stuck in your head, as trapped in your own experience, as you want. 

As you wish you will. 

I realize there is no showing others the way. Best I can do is be a living testiment to the power of following your heart. 

But few have the courage to.

Because you have to be willing to lose yourself, you have to be willing to earn it. 

There is more spirituality in physics – cause and effect – than there are in any doctrine or dogma. The promise of salvation in the ever after is a white lie. A god who loves you, wants you to be happy in this life. 

I laughed the other day about this, because I finally saw what assholes the invented gods are. What dickheads they would be if they existed. 

The god I grew up with was a boogeyman. A looming father figure I could never love.  

I have no doubt Jesus was a cool mofo, a hippie and a shaman in his own right, but soo too am I. 

Look, I’m not telling you to renounce anything – trust me, I have tried nihilism – not the answer – besides the fact that the sex was no good, it’s a very victimized mindset. The belief in nothing, while inherently less hateful than religion, destroys the soul nonetheless.

What I am saying, is that if being a god granted the believer am omnipotent power, than stripping the believer of this belief – as religion does – would effectively strip the power away from the person and put it in the hands of those bastions of oppression, known as church and state. 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that trading the divine beauty in this life for the promise of eternal salvation is a fair deal. 

The idea that we – that my baby nephew – that all of us were born in sin, is fucking shit. 

The paradigm that my baby nephew – that my soul – will go to hell for loving someone of the same sex (no-homo) is valid, is simply archaic. 

Think for yourself. 

I orgasm outside of wedlock with the woman I love every damn day. Good and bad are man made concepts. Not to say I don’t believe in evil, but most of the evil I see today comes from the love or the fear of religion. 

I don’t have time to explain ISIS or the detrimental effect of religion on the collective unconsciousn to you, but needless to say – religion is fucked up. 

And I don’t care how great of a Christian you are, be a good fucking person, because for every religious person using the name of their God for good, there are thirty seven others using it to judge, dividing human souls from the love, the god, within. 

Look how small we are that we vilify ourselves and each other based on the things we think. 

Shit thinking. 

Accept yourself. Love yourself. 

If you need someone else to love you before you wil love yourself then you have already lost the only battle for your soul you will ever fight. 

Let it go. 

Find happiness first.  

As below so above. 

As within so without. 

To trust in something greater than yourself but not IN yourself is the real sin. 

The only god you should ever love is the god that loves you and wants you to be happy. Anything else should be questioned without guilt. 

As long as you are are standing in the shadows, you will miss the light. 

The light is truth. 

The light is love. 

The light is you. 

Be free. 

I am. 

p.s. For any of my fellow Jungians reading this, I will say that freeing ones subconcioncious from a dominating paradigm is incredibly healthy for the soul. 

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4 thoughts on “Be Free

  1. Hi Lewis,

    Excellent article. I love how I can relate to you over how nihilism is not the answer.

    This brings me to a question. How did you break free from your previous nihilistic attitude?

    I’m having trouble getting back to “feeling” again like love, joy, happiness, etc. I’m stuck between a depressive and accepting mire of “this is it” and having a hard time coming back to the surface again to breath in all those good feelings.

    Any advice is greatly appreciated!


    1. Hi Aaron,

      Thank you. Yes, I absolutely went through a nihilistic period, and while I still laugh at the humorous aspects of nihilism, (see, ), I no longer see an abyss or a void within me, but, rather, I see the infinite – unlimited potential on the universe’s Chinese take out menu of possibility. I think Absurdism is a far better paradigm. Albert Camus’ opened that door for me, which helped negate the value of my (Masochistic) nihilistic viewpoint. (See: ).

      The other thing that opened the doors of perception for me was an experience with San Pedro cactus, which helped me separate the utility of thought from the feeling of thought, in short, I realized how stuck in my own head I was and how addicted I was to my own thoughts and feelings I was. Through this, I came to see that consciousness is ENTIRELY subjective. (See: )

      And then, there were two more things that really leveled me up.

      One was the paradigm of consciousness as a computer, (see: – ctrl +f “computer” ). Essentially, I have assumed control of my consciousness. My belief’s are software, my thoughts commands, my feelings outcomes. This is something I be will writing more about soon. But I will say now that this is THE MOST valuable paradigm I have ever learned. Most people are not conscious of their power to program their own software. And the absolutely mind-bendingly insane part of this, is that when we change our software and start running our own programs, we actually change our hardware as our synapses rewire and new neural connections are formed. This is nothing short of AWEsome.

      As a result of my understanding of consciousness as a computer and my soul as an omnipotent programmer, I know that I can feel good all the time. And that being a victim of my own thoughts and feelings is absolute shit – completely unnecessary; for we suffer only as long as necessary and not a moment longer. Understanding my software and hacking it put a total and complete end to this. I literally wake up every day happy, and I make awesome shit happen every day. The stuff from one of the links above, about perception and the power of the will and the nature of potential (As only limited by the laws of physics) connects so well to this. I am, in essence, always choosing the most healthy and empowering thought. And there are no longer limits and barriers, because my own beliefs are bulletproof and impermeable. No one else can hack my system.

      Which leads me to the second and last thing: trusting myself. Simply put, I read Emerson’s Self-Reliance, and I got the last piece of the puzzle for me, the key that unlocked it in me and freed me from fear and mistrust of myself.

      All together, these things have allowed me to create a life that is nothing short of tits in every single regard.

      I have no doubt that you read this for reason, just as you allowed me to reflectively encapsulate the things that have freed me.

      I wish I had people to talk about this stuff with, because it’s such an amazing thing to see through all of the shit I fell victim to in the past.

      I could have never imagined thinking therapy would be a bullshit option for me, but why would I EVER want to look to SOMEONE ELSE for the answers – this actually reminds me of one more important thing, which a lot of highly conscious (powerful) individuals have discovered before me, which is the teachings of Ayn Rand. Read Fountainhead. “The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” Her entire philosophy is called Objectivism. As wikipedia states:

      “Objectivism’s central tenets are that reality exists independently of consciousness, that human beings have direct contact with reality through sense perception, that one can attain objective knowledge from perception through the process of concept formation and inductive logic, that the proper moral purpose of one’s life is the pursuit of one’s own happiness (rational self-interest), that the only social system consistent with this morality is one that displays full respect for individual rights embodied in laissez-faire capitalism, and that the role of art in human life is to transform humans’ metaphysical ideas by selective reproduction of reality into a physical form—a work of art—that one can comprehend and to which one can respond emotionally.”

      While I think Ayn Rand projected her own politics and personal myths upon objectivism too much, I do fully agree with the fact that reality exists independent from consciousness, and the more I align my perception with objective reality, the more beautiful I see that it is. I mean, this is the stuff Plato was teaching, in his allegory of the cave.

      From Wiki:

      “He then explains how the philosopher is like a prisoner who is freed from the cave and comes to understand that the shadows on the wall do not make up reality at all, for he can perceive the true form of reality rather than the mere shadows seen by the prisoners.”

      And reality, objective reality, is fucking beautiful. Love, God, and Psychedelic experience, are all the same. They allow us to transcend our selves, and see into the beauty that is life.

      Fear and love – the only choices we ever have. You can fear what isn’t or you can love what is.

      And the last thing I will tell you, is that you must be compassionate in your growth, because you will really blow your own fucking mind if you grasp these things. And you’re going to have to realize that you simply did not know any better in the past.

      It’s in the interest of society to keep us small – to control our perceptions – just as it is in the interest of others who can benefit from our acquiescence to exert their will upon us. Life is a game of potentials, but it is won my wills.

      And lastly, this journey, this power, will rub others the wrong way. But you will never regret it for a second.

      Watch this in full:

      I hope you get something from these things. Thank you for your comment.

      – Lawrence

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Basically, I’m not stuck in my own head anymore; I’m not a victim of my own thinking. I use it to my advantage now. A wise and ancient philosopher wrote that “The mind is an excellent slave, but a terrible master.”

      And here are three more things I am using to reprogram my software:

      2. Also, The Science of Getting Rich, which I think can be read here – – and an important thing here is the concept of the subconscious mind NOT as a slave, but as a faithful servant.
      3. look up “jay z law of acctraction” “50 cent law of attraction” – SAME stuff as the Kanye one, just not as generous.

      The subconscious mind produces the things the conscious mind impresses upon it, in the physical universe – and the reason for the slave / servant paradigm is because the sobcioncious makes no distinctions between good and bad – hence why fear attracts the things we fear. I’ve truly learned that worrying is like praying for what you don’t want to happen. The matrix is in you. Sure, there are 7+ Billion other individual units of consciousness on this planet and they are all colliding, in what we call life, but there is no reason for you to be a victim of other people’s perception – or your own any longer. Decide that your reality is more powerful than anyone else’s. Will things to happen, speak them into existence. Just wake up and be awesome.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I was just thinking about how I used to be, wondering how it is that the slave runs the show, making the mind the terrible master, and my girlfriend and I were agreeing that it is the soul that wakes up and takes control. An excellent book is Thomas Moore’s Care of The Soul, in which he says the problem with modern life is that man is cut off from his soul, his innermost self, the true version of him. And for me, I have lots of yogas, ways of being, that I do to care and stay connected to my soul, love, sex, working, music, walks – it’s all play, and my soul is light and happy and free. Each of us must give our inner child – our soul – the freedom to creatively express itself. But if we do not connect to ourselves on that deeper level, through meditation or objective thought, we are deaf to our own inner voice, and all we feel is the pain of it being silenced. Be YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

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