It Was All Glorious

Above audio for listening while reading – so press play.

I just wanna be stoic,
Resolute, determined, driven and heroic.

I wanna remind myself that age is but a number and how old I think, act, and choose to be is determined solely by me.
Hell, even how I look and feel is TBD,
Gym, diet, yoga, meditate, hydrate, skincare/sunscreen – repeat,
– Not forgetting sleep, even superheroes count sheep.

You’ve gotta have a regimen in life.
You can’t be a sea-slug, living each day a mass of nerves,
You can’t live accidentally.

In this life, it’s all up to you – but there’s a few things you must and mustn’t do:

Never compare yourself to anyone, that’s a mental trap – absolute utter sheer complete and total fucking crap.
Don’t look back in anger,
Never feel pain as the years pass, thinking: “Ah, but [back] then the world was my oyster.” The world is as yours today as it ever was – it’s but the attachments of the ego that anchor you to a place you once loved. That should serve only to remind you of what you are capable of.
Winners don’t live in the past.
You are still alive and while you are here you owe the present your complete attention – just as you gave back then,
So, tuck away the past to be grateful for another day and take away the lessons that have made you a much more well-equipped person.
There is nothing you can’t handle, just light up the darkness by letting your undying spirit guide you like a magic candle. Inner peace – it’s very real.

Ambition never dies – it only needs evolving.
There is no such thing as stress, merely the belief we lack the resources to handle a given situation.
Life’s not a test.

Throw the self-pity out with the bathwater you ungrateful, immature, dramatic baby. Are you starving, dying, in solitary, stuck in a mine, on a sinking vessel, trapped against a rock in battle behind enemy lines down to the last five rounds in your sidearm? – or is it simply your ego’s childish and manipulative lying. What the fuck – get a hold of yourself. haha – (never forget to laugh – because you can).

Whatever you are, you can be the best you. You can be the best seventy-year-old that ever spent the day watching bonanza, talking to your children, reading, eating, and going to sleep all alone – and you can do it all with a little smile, because there are joys in your day. And no matter who you are, no one else is limiting the amount of joy you can have. I ate an egg yesterday that felt like the rapture. IT was GLORIOUS!

And is it death you fear?

Let me ask you, what will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up?
What was it like before you ever woke up?
What happens after people die? (Other people are born).
(Above inspired by this – one of my favorite pieces of audio EVER)

Self-pity is the enemy – if I shall be struck dead today, if cancer shall claim me and I never hug my mother and father again – the people I love will be okay. There’s just no other way, the world works that way. And for having known me, the people I love will be enriched and I will have touched the fabric of the universe with a ripple that echoes in eternity. What more legend is there? What more heroism is there then to live and die. The glory. The full glory of the Roman Empire. Did you not remember the Romans? The peasants that lived and held their families as they slept. Thankful for their food, looking at each other and saying: “I love you”. They too wept. They too hated their enemies and died not forgiving those who had hurt them. We all do.

Let me not get carried away, because I have pleasures that those in hospice do not, I have joys. I can take a piss on my own. What a beautiful thing! And I have running water to wash my hands with after! CLEAN water I can drink. No fucking way. This is unreal. A starving child in Nairobi just died. He is lying in the dirt, his distended stomach facing the hot sun; flies on his eyes. He has just died and gone to heaven. And I am him. This is his heaven. Wait – you didn’t think you were more special than he DID YOU?. That’s what I thought, you damned fool. You inglorious bastard.

What are you going to do now? Sit and hate the person who once loved you? Hate those who didn’t love you? What are you going to do? Don’t be an idiot. You may as well be walking on the sun because as far as the ancient Greeks are concerned you are a G-d. And it’s all glorious. You’re living. And you will die. And I will die with anticipation for what’s next. And if nothing is next, then let me be reminded now – that I’m here but for today. I hope your next piece of bread is sweeter. I hope you thank the cosmos the next time you bang your shin and cry out “motherfucker!”. I hope that reading this changes you. I hope it’s nice where you are. I hope you never steal your own joy again. And if there is another side, then when I arrive I will tell them that it was all glorious.


Post reading sountrack:

Author’s note: I’ve been composing lots of drafts lately, poems, a short story ‘The Blue Dory’, and a novella ‘Hampton Head’. Happy I took time to do some free writing / poetry tonight.

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